They say hindsight is 20/20, I think it’s true.
I was asked about the principle of defined family core values.
A defined set of core values will be like a road map of success to transform a family, give the family a picture of what they are aiming for.
We can see a families core value chart by how they relate to each other, relate to the world, to God Himself and to circumstances. We all act our of what we have decided is important.
Take a minute to look at your families interaction with each other, with God and with circumstances.
List what you see. Your actions show and support what you think is important.
Core values are issues of the heart.
In that wrestling place of hindsight, I can now see what I wish I would have known when we were raising our children.
I have learned that God gives the family the sacred privilege of forming the inner dialogue of future adults.
WOW. That is REALLY important.
A family’s core values will direct the influence that will stay with each person through their whole life.
The family often creates the voice in their head. How does a family create a healthy, strengthening place for the children to develop?
A family can have a purpose statement, or a spoken and written list of what matters most.
The one place we get the exact right core values or the place to find our best purpose is the Bible.
Here are 3 family core values that come from His Word.
- I will love You Lord with all my mind, my heart, my soul, and my strength.
- I will love our family members (our neighbors) as I love myself
- I will forgive others because I will remember I have been forgiven too.
What do you think? Can you imagine those statements being true in your family?
As that little preschooler has just refused obedience – like won’t stay in bed, how would this apply?
First, it applies to parents … as the parent … Love the Lord you God with all your mind, all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.
Put His agenda before yours. That’s what loving God looks like.
His agenda is that you disciple that little one to know and love Him.
The stay in bed instance, we can know what is true, God is a god of order. Your child disobeying by getting out of bed is disorderly, it’s ungodliness actually.
The toddler has no concept of God’s order but that little one will see the reflection of God’s order in their parent.
As a parent, you will have to decide how you want to manage the discipline ahead of time. Pray, ask God to show you how to discipline this child effectively so the child can learn to respect His godly order.
Then, the parent, remembering to love the family member (that annoying, disobedient child) as they love themselves can approach the evening ritual with a plan and God’s power.
As the child fights and resists, the parent continues to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, and continues walking out God’s agenda of leading that child to submission to God and His way, in this case, God’s way of order, staying in bed.
Parents, the stronger your love relationship is with God, the more you understand His Word, the easier it is to do the job God has given you, which is to raise adults that love Him.
Do you think having a purpose statement would help you make decisions in parenting?
Can you see how that by knowing the big picture, you can parent that child with more confidence?
Do you think that if you had that confidence you would have greater success in dealing with that child’s naughtiness?
Let’s have another example, this time a 10-year-old.
The young one has a hard heart. You can’t reach him. He doesn’t care what you say or do. He will do as he pleases.
Poor little soul. I imagine his heart is like a block of ice. Inside that ice is the sweet little one that toddled around your home long ago.
By looking at our purpose statement or core value, how would you approach this situation?
How about value number 2 … I will love our family members as I love myself.
It’s time to love that young man as you would want to be loved, with MUCH prayer, patience, and God’s powerful love.
Since each family is a unit and hard-hearted son is part of it. If the son isn’t well then the family is suffering.
That’s when you use your BIG GUNS … your knees. God’s desire is that the children have a soft heart for Him.
Like you would appreciate being done for you, pray for his heart to be softened and pray and ask God to show YOU the parent how you can line up with God’s plans to help melt that frozen heart.
Read, read, read God’s Word asking God to show you how to pray for your son.
If the son is belligerent that won’t be allowed. Your family is a team, a unit and in your family’s value “we treat each other as we want to be treated” disrespect is hurtful to everyone, it breaks down the family unit. Personally, when my children were disrespectful I refused to listen. I only listened to respectful words. That doesn’t mean only calm words because I didn’t mind strong emotion but I did insist on speaking with respect even as they were full of passion.
Here is a link from Focus on the Family that gives some conflict resolution tips
The family takes a lot of mind and heart space because it begins with you, the parent.
Do these ideas seem like a heavy burden? A little too far off to manage in your busy days?
If you find you are not able to live by those 3 family core values, all is not lost! God is able to do good work. He has done good work in me AND even though I so GREATLY lacked in my parenting, the good news is, God didn’t lack in His purpose. He is finishing the good work HE started with each of our children.
Be brave, embrace the sacred calling of God’s vision. Trust Him by time in prayer, reading the Bible and Christian fellowship,
to use … even you and me to create a healthy, happy home.
Consider adding those 3 core value statements to your family. If you write them out and display them the family will be on the same page and will encourage each other. BUT, be prepared, the kids are always paying attention and will point out how you may have missed the mark too. As the leader, be humble, recognize your stumble, apologize and ask the Lord to help you do a better job next time.
These principles will apply to spouses too!
I think by using God’s Word, particularly Luke 10:27 and Colossians 3:13 to give your family a guide, like a street sign, points to the right way, these core values will point to the right way for your family.
(( HUGS ))