Today is October 17th. The weather is crisp, the leaves on the trees are still green, I have my can of pumpkin because I hope to make pumpkin bread soon.
Sometimes life feels terrific and it’s easy to be happy. Other times life is moody, sullen and cloudy. Today is a happy day. Hallelujah!
For a few weeks now I have been battling that bad mood. It’s so puzzling, at one phase in my life I am close to the Lord, He and I are tight. Then other times the cloud comes and I get lost. I forget to look up to see the Lord, I forget that His hand is right here with me all the time. My Bible reading gets diluted. I read the Bible but it’s like my brain isn’t hearing it.
I’m not afraid of those times because I know I will come back around, and most importantly, I know that God, our Savior is Faithful and He is always there. Alternately, the change to the sullen, dark mood is like getting a charlie horse while trying to run a race, it’s painful and slows me down.
Does anyone else ever experience that?
Saturday I was given the sweetest gift by our loving Shepherd. He gave me peace.
Don and I went on a silence retreat at the park. Using my jumbled mind the first part of my time with God I was just silent. I didn’t read or pray, I was quiet, well, my mind wasn’t quiet, it was swirling with concerns of this or that but after about 30 minutes, my scattered mind felt a bit realigned and I started feeling the presence of God near me. How could I miss it with His beautiful creation all around? Oh the presence of God. He brings order and right thinking. Ahh, being close to him is like a warm sun on a crisp fall day. Finally feeling a little settled, I sat down to read my Bible. My heart wasn’t right but I had enough brain power to go where the truth is powerful, His word. The Lord prompted me to open my journal and in it is where I found the references to when, a few weeks ago, I had first fallen into this pit of unrest. I had prayed to Him about it and He answered me.
“I awakened this morning sensing a dark cloud permeating my mind. In those times I start to find fault with myself. and. Don.
This morning, however, the Lord – You LORD – spoke and I heard for me to think of the glory of God. The glory and goodness of You, Lord.
I finally realized and understand why we are to think about the glory and goodness of You.
It changes my thoughts from weak, cloudy and unpleasant to light, happy and strengthening.
If I were to watch two different movies – one full of hostility, fighting and evil intent at the end of the movie I would be left with a heavy heart, maybe even depressed.
If I watch a movie that shows Your goodness, Lord, Your power, love, might and eternal plan, at the end of the movie my heart will feel light, clean and encouraged.
It’ the same with my mind, what thoughts “movies” am I going to play? ”
After I reread that I remembered. I started writing more in my journal, complaining to Him actually (guess I’m a slow learner) but here is where the gift of peace came, as I wrote my woes to the Lord He opened my mind to hope and possibility, He changed the “movie” I was watching. It was from there all the thoughts, complaints and worries of my mind fell into their proper perspective. He took my vision from worry, opened my mind to His bigger picture and suddenly, all those worrisome details were no longer worrisome. He showed me what He wanted me to do, precisely what He wants me to do and with His clear direction.
I now how sweet peace. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was as if the weight was off my shoulders and my heart was light and happy.
So, today I will put out my fall decorations, I will make pumpkin bread and I will rejoice in the Lord, our God, our Savior because He has done for me what I couldn’t do for myself.